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Tuesday, November 25, 2014 at 4:00pm
Everyone knows that when you invoke the middle name, along with the first, someone is in trouble! One of my favorite Megan memories uses this point. She is about seven years old and we are at the pawn shop looking for movies. From another part of the store you hear, "Megan Nicole!" Megan looks up at the cashier and says, "My dad has a trouble name too."
Sunday, November 16, 2014 at 8:18pm
I think early onset of Alzheimer's has begun... how can i go to three bookstores in one afternoon and buy the same book twice???
Monday, November 10, 2014 at 4:15pm
You know how cats like to bring the dead body of usually a headless mouse to show off so proudly at your feet??? After seeing the countless dead deer carcass pics on Facebook over the last few days I can only assume humans have picked up on this activity...
Monday, November 10, 2014 at 3:10pm
...and so it begins. The uncomfortable stare down between me and the Salvation Army bell ringer.
Saturday, November 8, 2014 at 7:40am
My vet said that the steroids might make my cat ravenous. By the size of the nuggets in the litter box I would say the steroids turned my cat into a dog.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014 at 6:06pm
I found half of a steroid pill on the blanket Buddy has been sleeping on. Looks like he did the old pill under the tongue trick on me. Well played Buddy...
Saturday, November 1, 2014 at 8:16pm
Buddy Update: He may be a three legged cat from here on out. The vet(s) thought he wasn't getting better but worse and that we should start thinking about putting him down. I said he has a lot of life in him as he purrs, playfully bites, limps to the litter box and goes potty now on his own. Plus you could see in his eyes that he just didn't want to check out yet. He isn't falling over as much but still does quite frequently and looks VERY frustrated at times. Tonight he got up on the couch by himself?!?!? Must be the Prednisolone... in other news - Buddy has been denied the Cat Hall of Fame as he tested positive for steroids.
Friday, October 10, 2014 at 8:06pm
We don�t get tips too often. We are usually offered something to drink or eat every now and then, and occasionally we get an email from a satisfied customer. We finished a small two day project this week that we got all of the above, and I also got a high five and a Polo Sweatshirt that belonged to the home owner�s dad. I have three things from my dad and wouldn�t part with any of them. This is the BEST tip ever! - (I�m wearing it tonight)
Monday, August 25, 2014 at 9:45pm
I am with my good friend Marlene at Crabtree's north of Marine on St. Croix checking out some of the cool stuff they had there. I picked out this cool looking bike clock to buy and she notices another one and it was leaning against the wall. She asks if it stands by itself and I put the kick stand down and say, "Yep." It's leaning kinda to the back with the kickstand all the way down (mind you we are tucked away in the corner of the store), when Marlene asks, "Can you get it more erect?"
Thursday, August 21, 2014 at 10:31pm
I think i see Mitt Romney drinking a pina colada at Pappy's. His hair is perfect!
Monday, August 18, 2014 at 12:09pm
So i am at work and the guy i am working with has to drop a deuce and heads out to the woods with a shovel. The home owner comes outside and you can guess where this story is heading. Her dog follows her out and bolts for the woods. Next thing i hear is, ''SHOO!'' The dog came back with... lets just call it a treat. End of story.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014 at 6:47am
I watched a lot of Robin Williams clips last night. I have bouts of depression. I think we all do at one point or another and some deal with it better than others. Robin Williams was a true gem in this world and will be missed greatly! Here is my challenge to you. Create a poem using the words in a title to one of his many movies. Here is mine:
Dead Poets Society
If we could have one more day
To wake the DEAD
Just one more chance
To hear what�s said
In a POETS world
Words are the wick
Some burn for eternity
Others flame out quick
Oh captain my captain
Your words I recite
Just one more day
To help you fight
A SOCIETY mourns
Your light now dims
Words never spoke
Of the pain within
Sunday, August 3, 2014 at 10:01pm
So this really super cool douche, I mean dude, is behind me on his crotch rocket doing a wheelie at about 65 mph. As his front wheel returns to the ground the police lights light up behind him and the officer escorts Evil to the side of the road to what I can only imagine is followed with a congratulatory high five on his awesome wheelie. Start seeing police cars.
Sunday, July 27, 2014 at 8:02am
Leaving the party last night at 2am and a kid shouts out, "Who's leaving?" I say, "The other Greg." He looks at me with squinty eyes. "OH... You're the brown skinned man."
Saturday, July 26, 2014 at 8:04am
This little old lady with a stroller from the assisted living place next door stops by our property to look through our rock beds daily. I saw her this morning and gave her a bag of cool rocks i have found over the years. She nearly cried which made me nearly cry...
Thursday, July 24, 2014 at 4:44pm
Put down one pound of native prairie seed mix at a cost of $250.00...wholesale! Just heard a couple cardinals� tweet, "Gourmet spread in Dellwood. Tell all your buds." Cardinals?!?!?
Wednesday, July 16, 2014 at 1:31pm
New guy started this week named Joe. We call him Joe Dirt... sometimes Dirty Joe.
Thursday, June 19, 2014 at 6:58am
It's a wash! Work has been called due to rain... What would Abe Froman do???
Saturday, June 14, 2014 at 6:26am
Helpful hint to start your weekend: You are passing by a house and you REALLY love their grill. Put a free sign in front of it. Walla - New grill! This works for pretty much any item you covet...
Wednesday, June 11, 2014 at 11:28pm
27 bags of groceries in my left hand, �cause I don't like making more than one trip, and a gallon of milk in my right. Guess which pocket my keys are in??? Left pocket! 80% of the time this happens ALL the time...
Saturday, June 7, 2014 at 2:34pm
It puts the mulch in the wheelbarrow...
Sunday, May 25, 2014 at 9:46am
I have a new message waiting at Russianbrides.com... and to think that I wasn't going to check my spam folder this morning.
Sunday, May 18, 2014 at 7:33pm
My feet smell like corn chips.
Friday, May 16, 2014 at 4:05pm
Success at work today! Left the job site with only a bruised penis.
Thursday, May 8, 2014 at 6:00pm
You know the saying, "freedom isn't free?" They're right... it's $90.00 less per month. I am free from Comcast! I feel like celebrating...
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 at 8:24pm
So we got these v-neck t-shirts for work. Not quite sure yet if they class us up or just make us look like 70's porn stars. I'm gonna work on that big bushy mustache just in case...
Friday, April 18, 2014 at 11:46pm
Speaking of caulk... Here is another interesting observation from the single perspective. This should give you insight to not only what I am up against, but the decline in the male gender in today's online world. A LOT, or should I say ALL single women that I either have as friends, or have gone on dates with, express how they are inundated with penis pictures or equally horrible messages from online dating experiences. I have been off and on these sites the last 10 years and have yet to receive one picture of a vagina with the accompanying phrase, "and I know how to use it!"
Friday, April 18, 2014 at 10:37am
Sales associate to the caulk aisle. Sales associate to the caulk aisle. There is a customer waiting for assistance... in the caulk aisle.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014 at 9:25pm
If you are going to do a half ass job... why do it at all? Do it full ass!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014 at 9:28am
Another disturbing trend I noticed yesterday. Not only at 48 can I still get the occasional zit that I thought wouldn't happen again once my youth left me... I also get the perks of having to shave my earlobes.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014 at 8:52am
About 1 in 20 pronounces my last name correctly?!?! It sounds just like it's spelled. This morning calling customer service I get Gregory Simstem. I tell the lady, "close enough" and when asked to verify my name and address I sound out my last name just like it sounds followed by my address. The end of the call... "Thanks again Mr. Simstem and have a great day." Customer service reps?!?!
Saturday, April 5, 2014 at 9:31pm
Stopped at Holiday for another cup of coffee this afternoon and you know how they always try to up sell you with, "Would you like to buy a lottery ticket or car wash with the coffee today?" Today the guy was pretty funny as he quips, "Anything else today? Car wash? Lint roller?" CATS!?!?!
Saturday, April 5, 2014 at 12:52am
I don't think I can spend another minute in the same room with my feet. They have turned on me...
Friday, March 28, 2014 at 12:09pm
I am cleaning the common areas in our buildings and am almost finished with just two laundry rooms left to clean. In one laundry room a guy is doing his laundry. With no regard to "pubic" sanitary codes. He deposits these little curly bastards all over the machines! I packed a few in a baggy to bring down to the local PD for DNA testing. He's probably a serial killer too...
Monday, March 24, 2014 at 11:03am
Got off the phone with my boss awhile ago and asked an approximate start date. He went outside. Saw his shadow. Got back on the phone, "Four more weeks of winter" - Arrrrgh! Getting restless...
Tuesday, March 18, 2014 at 11:47am
BREAKING NEWS in the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Tina Louise and Dawn Wells believe it is located at approximately 140 Latitude and 10 Longitude...
Monday, March 17, 2014 at 9:33am
I've found myself over the last few nights in a Forensic Files marathon again. I've noticed that there seems to be a specific audience that must be targeted by the advertisements shown each night. Let�s just say that Forensic Files is not for everyone, check with your doctor and see if Forensic Files is right for you. Some people who have watched Forensic Files have noticed weight gain, dementia, and in some cases... even death.
Friday, March 14, 2014 at 3:04pm
Maybe this only applies to Samsung Galaxy SIII users. When you call an account you may have and they say press 1, 2, 3, etc. to continue, your screen goes away EVERY time you try to hit the number. If you own this phone you should know what I am talking about?!?!?! It's become a game of "Whack a Mole" - I don't win too often...
Friday, March 7, 2014 at 5:49pm
Having breakfast for dinner. No Mrs. Butterworths! Drats! I thought to myself for a long hard moment and asked, "What would Mr. Butterworths do?" I'm not proud of what I did next...
Tuesday, March 4, 2014 at 10:36am
Helpful parking tip #37: To reduce the "chance" of door dings by up to 75%... Find one of the cart corrals in the parking lot and park next to it with the passenger side of your car facing the cart corral.
Monday, March 3, 2014 at 8:21pm
Dear Comcast, You suck. That is all. Cordially, Greg Smedstad
Monday, March 3, 2014 at 10:02am
I can't remember a winter like this in 48 years. Someone said this to me this morning... "I think that the beauty of winter is a reasonable trade off for the cold. That said: This is an especially beautiful winter."
Sunday, March 2, 2014 at 10:46pm
How many times does it take to stab yourself with a wood chisel before you can successfully open an old can of polyurethane? Three apparently...
Friday, February 28, 2014 at 7:11am
While waiting for the ground to thaw, I spent the last hour + looking at past Vikings NFL drafts. Teddy Brown and Dave Huffman were drafted before Joe Montana in 1979. Michael Boireau and six others were drafted ahead of Tom Brady in 2000. I think with my extensive landscaping and property management background I would be a good fit for the Vikings GM position. Sending my resume right... Now.
Friday, February 21, 2014 at 7:04am
Tell your boss I said it was OK to be a few hours late today. If they ask who Greg Smedstad is. Tell them I am a friend on Facebook!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014 at 3:24pm
Amy Adams (#1 on my laminated five list) made it to #8 on AskMen.com's list of 99 most desirable. For the record... no one called, emailed, or sent me a text from AskMen.com for my opinion.
Friday, January 31, 2014 at 10:52am
Finish this sentence: After my morning cup of coffee, I _________________.
Saturday, January 18, 2014 at 8:49am
Happy Birthday Susanna Hoffs. I am still single if you are inquiring. I'll check my inbox later. I have to go shovel like a Minnesotan...
Friday, January 17, 2014 at 1:05pm
Hi. My name is Greg Smedstad. I am a Nutty Bar addict.
Monday, January 13, 2014 at 10:26am
Not a fan of Woody Allen. Never have been. He gets a lifetime achievement award? The back story on this man should have him in prison. His son's tweet on fathers day - "Happy father�s day � or as they call it in my family, happy brother-in-law�s day." OUCH!
Sunday, January 12, 2014 at 10:49am
I think one of the perks to being a wallflower is having a tunnel song. I want to find my tunnel song...
Saturday, January 11, 2014 at 10:19pm
It's not something you plan. It just happens. You try to distance yourself but to no avail. You walk away but find yourself coming back. I didn't think it could happen to me but it has, and it has happened on more than one occasion in the past. Tonight; I find myself... in a Forensic Files marathon.
Thursday, January 9, 2014 at 9:21pm
I am making chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips... mostly for the batter.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013 at 12:24am
I'm going to find out what the perks are to being a wallflower... by watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Friday, December 20, 2013 at 10:43am
I'm going to wade in... I am happy that ZZ Top was fortunate enough to have a good run on cable creating a dynasty of ducks after their decades of success playing rock. Like ALL reality TV, I don't care if their camo makes their butt look big or if the Kardashians went on a shopping spree for purses. I don't want to see two families swap wives or what's washed ashore in New Jersey. Live in the real world instead of watching it. I don't care for, or spend my time on ANY of it! If Duck Dynasty got cancelled tomorrow I say see ya! One more hour of your day to spend with those you love the most. I would rather read about how Donovan's greatest joy this Christmas season so far was seeing a tag on a present that said To Dad From Henry (he's 4 so it's cute as heck in his own penmanship). I like to know that Heather, Joe, and Lisa are cancer free or seeing pictures of Liza and Chase in the snow. Cohen and Bennett being cuter than anything except for my own daughter who has unfortunately blocked me. Still LOVE her more than anything in the world even if she is a little lost right now and doesn't want to hear my opinion. And no Kerry... you can NOT have Curt and Lisa's dog! I like seeing what kind of mischief that silly elf is getting into over at the Cragle household. Seeing Mike and Michelle happy they found each other and the adventures they share... someday I hope I will be as lucky! Amber is having a baby - I remember when she was just a baby! Make your own reality instead of watching someone else's on TV. Their opinions, views on life, or what they had for dinner mean NOTHING to me. My family and friends do and I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (since I am too lazy and not sending cards or Christmas letters out for another year consider this my Hallmark moment with you).
Monday, December 16, 2013 at 5:18pm
I have yet to have a kiss begin with Kay...
Monday, December 9, 2013 at 9:00am
First Impressions: I am out shoveling my sidewalks this morning after a good cup of coffee and piece of cake for breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary, and only a light dusting of about an inch covering the pavement. With winter there are always hazards though, like slippery ice to fall on, with the quick look afterwards to make sure no one saw your embarrassment. Frost bite, car starting problems, furnace goes out, and a whole host of other issues occur that only winter can bring. I had one of those occurrences this morning...
I am about 3/4 of the way done with my shoveling. My fingers are starting to feel a little bit of the numbness that the -1 degree temperature that old man winter was dishing out. Relatively warm otherwise and a slight sweat from the workout was even starting to form along my hairline. Up ahead on the un-shoveled walk was a beautiful husky making his or her way down the snow covered path, with what actually appeared to be a smile upon its face. The husky was also gently pulling this gorgeous woman who was bundled up behind holding onto the leash. I'm going to play it all cool like Fonzi, when she gets right up on me, and with an incredible smile she says, "Hi" Of course in my mind it was no any ordinary hi, but a hi that says "he's kinda cute, we should go out for coffee" kinda hi. It's at that precise moment that I blew a bubble. Her eyes quickly became fixated around my nose, and I was no longer Fonzi cool... but Potsie Weber cold.
Monday, December 9, 2013 at 7:22am
For breakfast this morning I had cake... and I ate it too.
Sunday, December 8, 2013 at 10:07am
Didn't get me much sleep last night. Dad gum smoke detector chirpin' like a song bird all night long. Don't care much for the tune he be playin'. Time to go knock him off his perch and change his noise maker...
Saturday, December 7, 2013 at 8:58pm
I went out into the balmy Minnesota winter to take out the recyclables with just a t-shirt (pants, socks, shoes were optional). Came back in and cut some glass...
Thursday, December 5, 2013 at 12:11pm
Temp drops to single digits overnight. 7:30am shoveled for the 7th time in three days. 7:45am finished back walks as all 20 digits froze like Popsicles. 7:47am put fingers under warm water to thaw. 7:48am yell curse word. 10:15-11:30am finished sidewalks with new boots and mittens. No curse word uttered.
Saturday, November 30, 2013 at 8:06am
Somewhere in Minnesota... the cows came home.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013 at 8:39am
As a father with a daughter, my very near future purchases include: Gun for hunting, baseball bat 'cause they're cool, large butcher knife to cut things, wood chipper for small branches not human limbs, chainsaw - see wood chipper, shovel to bury things, small parcel of land (possibly a cornfield) to bury things using shovel. Maybe every season of Dexter... and I better call Saul.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013 at 6:50pm
Hibernation has begun. Googi Bear (my nickname given to me by my dad when I was a wee wittle boy) has come indoors for the long winter ahead. For what it's worth... I saw my shadow today.
Monday, November 18, 2013 at 12:15pm
Today, I earned more sessions by sleeving...
Sunday, November 17, 2013 at 5:45pm
One of the greatest marketing plans ever devised: You run out of ink in your printer. You get in your car and head to the local store and pick up some new ink for around two Jackson's and a Hamilton. Return home to install new ink and without asking it runs a test page and uses about 1/2 the ink you just bought... GENIUS!
Sunday, November 17, 2013 at 10:16am
I think the highlight of my day just passed :( ... I have successfully alphabetized my books by author.
Saturday, November 16, 2013 at 10:31am
For fun this morning I thought I would "air quote" while out doing some errands. I'm at Tire's Plus and say - I am here to get my "brakes" fixed. As his eyebrows raised upon his forehead with a puzzled look on his face he says - So you want to get your brakes fixed? I'm like "yes" Upon returning to Tire's Plus, my Mini was outside so I figured they were done. I go into the store and the same guy is at the counter. He almost looks scared as I approach him. I ask if my Mini is "done" He scrunches his eyebrows this time and says Yep. So I say - I would like to "pay" my bill... I highly recommend trying this! I think later I will answer every question with a completely unrelated answer...
Wednesday, November 13, 2013 at 6:58pm
In Soho's 1990 song Hippychick, I have always sung one line as, "And I won't deal with true blue debble dorf corrections." I just looked up the lyrics and apparently that is NOT correct. It says they are: And I won't deal with true blue devils of correction?!?!? - I'm thinking debble dorf makes WAY more sense!
Saturday, November 9, 2013 at 2:04pm
Going to get my haircut. I'm sure "The Greg" won't garner as much attention as "The Rachel"
Thursday, November 7, 2013 at 6:44pm
I am not going to have pie for dessert tonight. I am going to have pie for dinner :)
Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 7:00pm
A truly horrifying Halloween tonight. Sit back kids and let me tell you a tale... It started around 11:00 am with a text that a new resident would be moving in tomorrow on the first. It was a remodel and the text said the apartment would be ready to clean tonight. A little more notice would have been nice I thought. I replied with a simple "O.K." My regular job kept me away until 5:30 when I got home. A quick peek into the unit I was to clean was in order; queue scary Halloween theme song. THE HUMANITY! The remodel wasn't even close to completion!?!?! Mother F'ing Jones I thought to myself! I sent a quick text saying it wasn't even close to ready. A reply was sent back saying to do the best I can. As I surveyed the project I headed toward the bathroom; queue scary Psycho music! Lets rewind just a bit. These residents that had lived here had been in this apartment for close to 10 years. They were owners of a cleaning company. Flashbacks filled my mind of the bumper sticker on the back of their work truck that read, "A New Level of Clean" Remind me to NEVER... reach that level!
Thursday, October 31, 2013 at 10:11pm
I usually don't like to swear much. You may hear a Mother Pus Bucket now and again. After watching Horrible Bosses, and when I do swear, I say - "Mother F---ing Jones!" Tonight I'm Jonesing...
Wednesday, October 30, 2013 at 11:21pm
Tomorrow, I will attempt to have 60% of all words out of my mouth be said in Christian Bale Batman voice every time...
Thursday, October 24, 2013 at 12:48am
Tomorrow (or today as it were), I will respond to every thing uttered with... "that's what she said"
Friday, October 18, 2013 at 4:06pm
The last time I checked, we don't have a whole lot of status updates that feature the word indubitably. I'd be doing myself a disservice, and every friend that I have, if I didn�t perform the HELL out of this word!
Friday, October 11, 2013 at 9:29pm
I have a twitchy left eye...
Monday, October 7, 2013 at 8:37pm
I passed a couple of people on bikes while running tonight. Ate a snickers bar for dinner. Tomorrow I will landscape and possibly have pudding for lunch. Maybe corn chips.
Friday, September 27, 2013 at 8:49am
As much as I make fun of Bob Segar. I am finding myself humming a song from 1962...
Saturday, September 14, 2013 at 7:16pm
Had my Tommy Boy moment. Me and a bud cruising down 94 and S.O.S. comes on...
Tuesday, September 10, 2013 at 6:58pm
I have said it time and time again... Before you leave make sure you see both cats. Annie spent 13 hours in the fridge today :(
Sunday, September 8, 2013 at 9:01am
I was out on my usual run this morning. The same path I have taken for more than a year now. At one point I decided not to go forward and took a left. Take more lefts...
Friday, August 30, 2013 at 9:35pm
My submission to Urban Dictionary for "Beefwalk" was rejected. Here is my definition with example: Beefwalk: When cattle strut their stuff and show off the latest trends in cowhides at state and county fairs (fashion shows). Heidi, dressed in spotted black and white, showed off her udderly fabulous fashion sense at the Holstein beefwalk during the 2013 Minnesota State Fair.
Friday, August 23, 2013 at 4:31pm
Got punched in the throat today by a wheelbarrow. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts like the dickens!
Friday, August 16, 2013 at 5:47pm
The government still won't talk about Area's 1 through 50.
Thursday, August 15, 2013 at 6:53pm
So this guy was walking by our job site today with a really cool Asian lettered tattoo. I asked him what it said. He replied, "Huey Lewis ain't got nothing on me."
Sunday, August 11, 2013 at 9:10pm
Monday I return to man stuff like: things you can do with a class A license, lift heavy things (sometimes while passing wind when you need a little extra effort), being all boss and shit in the bobcat, making things with dirt, farmer blows, swatting mosquito's while doing your business. You know, man stuff. I will tell my landscape brothers of Sunday though...
Sunday, August 11, 2013 at 3:39pm
Day of firsts in Stillwater. Started with Brunch at the Waterstreet Inn. Followed by my first ever massage at Just For Me Spa (Raymond was not my masseuse and nothing moved). Did a little wine tasting at my first visit to the St. Croix Vineyards where I bought a little bling bling from a local artist. Then off to the new rooftop seating at Rafters for a quick beverage before my first pedicure and manicure at Turbo Nails... and it's still only 3:30 :) Quite the enjoyable day - Thanks Kelly!
Wednesday, August 7, 2013 at 7:41pm
I Installed a beautiful Strassen Bavaria� paving stone walkway today. I Found myself speaking with a German accent and using fake made up German words shortly after I learned I would be using Strassen Bavaria� paving stone...
Friday, August 2, 2013 at 9:54pm
I ate not one, but TWO corn dogs that spent 43 minutes PAST the recommended cooking time... Crunchy on the inside too.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013 at 8:06pm
I don't do fast food very often anymore and to my horror... the unthinkable happened today at McDonald's� I go through the drive through, get my order, and everything seems to be in place as I get a McDouble and a large fry. I like to eat my fries first when they are still piping hot from the fryer. As I finish licking the salt from my fingertips I dip my hand into the bag and reach around the McDouble, stir up the napkins a bit and go from corner to corner of the bag. My hand goes from side to side and then under the McDouble and through all the napkins one more time. My heart starts to race and the panic starts to set in. This can't be happening I thought to myself. I then remove the napkins and McDouble and physically look into the bag when the traffic has subsided. DENIED! No stray fry. Not One solitary stinkin' stray fry! Isn't there a law against such blatant disregard for what has always been this unwritten fast food etiquette? There is ALWAYS at least one fry to be dispersed into the bottom of the bag. There are no exceptions... except on this day :(
Friday, July 19, 2013 at 1:08pm
When I get into my Mini� - I like my music LOUD! When ABBA comes on, I mean Metallica's Enter Sandman, the bass massages my back like nobody's business...
Sunday, July 7, 2013 at 9:01pm
I Spent 31 hours in the sweltering heat and humidity doing brutal, brutal landscaping for charity this weekend. Eight kids somewhere in the world will now get hearing aids courtesy of the Starkey Hearing Foundation and a little blood, sweat, but no tears.
Thursday, June 27, 2013 at 10:40pm
Three dozen cookies gone... without ever making it to the oven.
Saturday, June 22, 2013 at 7:43pm
I want Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. as my boss. I don't think she is so horrible...
Wednesday, June 12, 2013 at 6:16pm
Ghosts, fairies, little men and trolls have been reported to haunt The Devil�s Punchbowl in Menomonee, Wisconsin. People who joke about the trolls while in the Punchbowl have returned to their vehicles to have them not start for unknown reasons. Bring a shiny stone or some skittles to appease the trolls. I didn't take any chances and appeased the trolls with some Skittles. Mainly purple ones...
Monday, June 10, 2013 at 9:34pm
Until recently, I thought all skittles tasted the same. Upon separating by color and tasting the flavors individually I have concluded I am not a fan on Facebook of what appears to be the purple colored one...
Wednesday, June 5, 2013 at 10:47pm
...so this kid at work continually uses this one word wrong EVERY time he uses it. He uses it on a daily basis. Do I tell him or let the comedy roll for the rest of the year. Today's word - "Do you think it would be OK to put a snickers bar on the commercial Holiday� credit card? Metaphorically speaking."
Tuesday, May 28, 2013 at 7:03pm
Spent the better part of 10 hours today swinging a 10 lb mall and busting up concrete. Off for a 4 mile run and then maybe crochet me a blanket later...
Sunday, May 26, 2013 at 3:27pm
I am thinking the "Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too" is being under utilized in America...
Saturday, May 4, 2013 at 2:39pm
I need a mulligan. A Gilligan. A go again. A do over. A Vinny reset...
Wednesday, May 1, 2013 at 9:15am
Looks like summer came a little prematurely. Old man winter has other ideas with another 6-9 inches. Dear Penthouse Forum...
Tuesday, April 30, 2013 at 3:25pm
TOOT <------- My Horn.
Monday, April 22, 2013 at 5:38am
Did I just read the forecast correctly??? Another 6-9" tonight. What The Flake!?!?
Saturday, April 20, 2013 at 7:54pm
Either it's chilly in here, or I have been inadvertently rubbing my nipples...
Tuesday, April 16, 2013 at 7:06pm
Longest run of the year at 9 miles. Had one stop at the half way point. It appears that homemade split pea soup is NOT a good choice for a pre run meal.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013 at 9:03am
Some people in the Deep South believe Minnesota summers have lakes and rivers with ice year round and the chance of snow is possible 365 days a year... I'm starting to believe them.
Sunday, March 31, 2013 at 7:28pm
As an adult you have a lot of decisions that impact the rest of your life. Some days I wish I could just go back in time and just play with my stinking Evil Knievel Stunt Cycle...
Saturday, March 16, 2013 at 5:44pm
...and a side note: I like to end every rep at the gym with 49... 50! Then I look around all tough like. Sometimes I like to add 50 lbs to the machine when I'm done so the next guy is intimidated. This one time... this dude is like 60 lbs... Dude!
Saturday, March 16, 2013 at 6:37am
Friday, March 15, 2013 at 1:53am
While running on the treadmill tonight, I find myself becoming better... stronger... faster with each mile. The last 1/5 of a mile I am running at a 5:45 pace. (Insert Bionic Man sound effect)
Monday, March 11, 2013 at 12:39pm
You know you're deep in thought when I-Tunes just finished playing the 5th ABBA song in a row before you noticed...
Monday, March 11, 2013 at 1:04am
Today's helpful hint: When crossing a REALLY high railroad bridge... know your train schedules.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013 at 7:46am
Thinking about lacing up the Air Smeds� and getting my 12" vertical to the Y for a little hoops. Old white men CAN jump... just not as high.
Sunday, January 20, 2013 at 10:15am
Not sure if I am becoming more like my cats or they are becoming more like me? Thank God I don't have cows...
Tuesday, January 8, 2013 at 12:48pm
Keanu Reeves is a really bad actor.
Friday, January 4, 2013 at 7:22pm
It only LOOKS like I am wearing a fur coat...
Tuesday, January 1, 2013 at 12:54pm
I am WAY too hyper right now! Time to head to the gym and hang with my over 65 peeps. I think I saw Bette White on the incline bench yesterday... her hair was perfect.
Monday, December 31, 2012 at 11:28am
Yesterday I was told of one man's ill fated pick up line, "Hey sugar tits" - Crossing that one off my list of potential pick up lines...
Saturday, December 15, 2012 at 11:35pm
The pus that infects the mucous... that cruds up the fungus... that feeds on the pond scum. The #@$%'s at Westboro Baptist Church are at it again! *&%# YOU!!! Sorry for the expletives.
Monday, December 10, 2012 at 12:30am
So I hit my head Thursday afternoon. Not even that hard if I recall correctly. No bump. No bruise. Headache is getting worse though. May be concussed. Amnesia is one symptom. How would I know if I suffered the effects if I had Amnesia?
Wednesday, December 5, 2012 at 1:14pm
Wasn't happy with the Kris Kringle look so I am growing a reindeer instead. Pretty much the same as a goat but more Christmasy.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012 at 10:18pm
I know it's early in the Wolves season, but if Alexey Shved continues his current level of play I see a Ben & Jerry's variation soon. Mini candy flavored basketballs in rich sweet cream vanilla with swirls of blue and green caramel... Shveddy Balls.
Friday, November 23, 2012 at 12:45pm
I LOVE Rashida Jones!
Thursday, November 22, 2012 at 9:39am
My left eyeball hurts.
Monday, November 19, 2012 at 1:10pm
I'll admit it. I love romantic comedies... chick flicks. Watched Phenomenon again. If you've seen the movie my favorite part: George Malley: Hey, would you love me the rest of my life? Lace: No. I'm gonna love you for the rest of mine. ...I'm off for a manly 5 mile run now.
Friday, November 16, 2012 at 1:21pm
Forget Movember! I'm going to see what grows in Decembeard.
Thursday, November 8, 2012 at 9:06pm
I did what many thought impossible. I dumped an entire wheelbarrow of dirt on my head. Added bonus... My giblets got spanked simultaneously.
Saturday, November 3, 2012 at 12:13pm
Many of you look to me for common household tips. Here's another. Leaving milk in the bottom of a bowl for more than 3 days leaves a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. It's quite pungent.
Friday, October 26, 2012 at 6:55pm
Driver pet peeve #2: You find yourself behind Slowey McSlowerson for 10 miles going 45 in a 60 and no chance to pass with heavy traffic. Here comes the passing lane which lasts about a 1/4 mile. McSlowerson speeds up to 70 and then right back down to 45 after the passing lane... Penis!
Sunday, October 21, 2012 at 11:15pm
If you don't like this status update then you hate little baby kittens.
br> Sunday, October 7, 2012 at 4:18pm
If I get any more organized I will have to card catalog my home...
Saturday, September 29, 2012 at 8:31am
True YouTube Confessionals: I watched Our Lips Are Sealed by the Go-Go's this morning.
Thursday, September 27, 2012 at 9:26pm
My cats breath smells like cat food.
Saturday, September 22, 2012 at 6:57pm
Went to the RenFest and came back a polka dancer... who woulda thunk!
Thursday, September 20, 2012 at 8:26pm
Ipod through the washer and then the dryer and STILL keeps on playing! I heart my Ipod and spade my cat.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 7:36pm
I aven't quite mastered the farmer's blow while running yet...
Tuesday, September 18, 2012 at 12:45pm
We had Jared who lost 245 lbs. on the Subway� diet. Now some gal from Virginia claims to have lost 68 lbs. on the Starbucks� diet. Many people have asked me how I lost 50 lbs... steady diet of Holiday� donuts! It's not for everyone but it works for me.
Friday, August 31, 2012 at 7:48pm
I might be losing my mind just a smidge... off for my second 4 1/2 mile run today?!?!?!? Tomorrow I might run to the end of town.
Friday, August 31, 2012 at 11:52am
I am real close to being in the best physical shape of my life... now I have to work on that 1st million so I can start on the bat cave...
Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 9:04pm
Conversation at work yesterday: Worker 1: "You like Bass?" Worker 2: "What?" Worker 1: "Do you like to eat bass?" Worker 2: "You don't eat bass?" Worker 1: "Cause I found a really nice bass hole."
Tuesday, August 14, 2012 at 7:37pm
So... if Cloud Nine is so great, I wonder what the first eight clouds are like. I think I would like to be on Cloud Three. It's a VERY underrated cloud!
Monday, August 13, 2012 at 6:28am
A zero calorie donut? Had one this morning. I opened up my cupboard. Dropped something. Stood back up and nailed my noggin on the corner of the door! Hurts donut...
Saturday, August 11, 2012 at 12:15pm
Discovered by the French in 1904, they named it Stillwater, which of course in French means a muskie's vagina.
Sunday, August 5, 2012 at 7:39pm
Getting really tired of the mass shootings and hate!
Saturday, July 28, 2012 at 7:02am
Cats don't seem to understand the difference between weekdays and weekends...
Saturday, July 21, 2012 at 11:13am
If one beer or a glass of wine a day is good for you... how many spoonfuls of cookie dough can you have? I think I may have went over my limit...
Monday, July 16, 2012 at 7:40pm
Just got done brushing my cat... and making a coat.
Friday, July 13, 2012 at 6:52pm
Cabbage patchin' to some rip rapping, hip hopping mother f'ing John Denver! Well life on the farm is kinda laid BACK. Ain't much an old country boy like me can't HACK. It's early to rise, early in the SACK. Word!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012 at 6:34am
Today I will ROCK!!! ...and plant a few shrubs and other miscellaneous landscape thingy's.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012 at 6:17am
I did not have to twist the cats� paws to see if they wanted a little tuna this morning.
Monday, July 9, 2012 at 4:40pm
Cut my hair this past weekend... wasn�t sure if Megan said I should cut it like Avril Lavigne or Adam Levine?
Friday, June 29, 2012 at 2:05pm
I am most happy when Megan is with me. I will be heading out shortly to pick up my daughter. Ergo...
Sunday, June 24, 2012 at 1:35am
Outside at PD Pappy's tonight with the water literally lapping at my ankles on the patio. I think I saw a muskie belly up to the bar and order a drink...
Friday, June 22, 2012 at 4:46pm
Can't seem to get the image of the five or six turkeys I saw ripping the meat off a dead deer on the side of the road out of my head. As God as my witness... I thought turkeys were herbivores.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 4:34pm
My cat obviously has no clue on the difference between "No Buddy" and "Nobody". Maybe he thinks I am saying "Know Buddy" I am pretty sure the inflection at the end of my sentence means NO Buddy! CATS?!?!?
Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 6:42pm
...so I opened my fathers day card from my gorgeous, incredible daughter Megan a few days early. What she wrote on the inside was even BETTER than what was written on the card (and what was written was pretty amazing!) Thanks honey and I love you soooooooooooooo much too!
Friday, June 8, 2012 at 1:06pm
So the guy I work with can levitate...
Thursday, May 17, 2012 at 6:26am
Dear Environmental Landscape Management, Greg is very sleepy today and would like to have the day off. Thank you so very much. - Juan Epstein's mother.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012 at 9:04pm
Enjoying a couple American Idols tonight... Dino and Frank.
Saturday, April 28, 2012 at 6:58am
When did everyone start ending all their sentences with the word right? After awhile it gets kind of annoying... right???
Thursday, April 26, 2012 at 8:44pm
Three ticks found so far. If I die in the near future have the coroner check for Lymes Disease.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 at 5:48am
The cats get me up at 4:30. Fill food dish. Replenish water with fresh water. A scratch behind the ear, under the chin, and a few purrs later... they are back to bed. Cats?!?!?
Saturday, April 21, 2012 at 11:28am
7/16 Price Books. I think I could turn this into something...
Friday, April 20, 2012 at 6:42am
Woke up this morning to a 1/2 hour kitty massage from Annie. This was no ordinary massage and a first for Annie. When you have two paws kneading, vibrating, and pulsating your face and temple... it's nothing short of nirvana! Now, if I can get Buddy to make my coffee.
Thursday, April 19, 2012 at 10:12am
1100 days since I last puffed. $6170.00 not gone up in smoke... Hoo-ah!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 at 6:28pm
60.00 tip landscaping today... and no, I didn't have to put out to earn it!
Monday, April 16, 2012 at 4:40pm
Fulfilling my Gerry Rafferty craving... if you need anything I will be on Baker Street.
Friday, April 13, 2012 at 7:21am
April 13th is Blame Somebody Else Day. Those of you at the T-Wolves game last night who may have smelled something in the wind going up the escalators... That was Donovan.
Saturday, April 7, 2012 at 4:27pm
I met my sister for the first time today so my day pretty much ROCKS!!!
Thursday, April 5, 2012 at 9:38am
Rumor has it that President Obama is in close negotiations to use the Boss's, Born in the U.S.A. as his re-election campaign song.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 6:41am
Note to self. Make sure you see two cats before you leave for work in the morning. Poor Buddy was in a closet for 11 hours yesterday :(
Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 10:19pm
If I were any more content right now I would be purring... if only I knew how.
Monday, March 26, 2012 at 12:48pm
Hello Mr. Grindstone. We meet once again.
Saturday, March 24, 2012 at 10:31am
Sometimes there are just not enough O's in smooth to describe you. Other times you may just be smoth.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012 at 2:16pm
On my way home I found myself behind another Mini� Needless to say... we were one short of an Italian job!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012 at 11:10pm
Almost raised 40,000 in 3 1/2 hours with some young friends for TPT (Twin Cities Public Television) tonight. Had a blast... didn't shake hands with Don Shelby but did talk fish and Kent Hrbek with him.
Sunday, February 26, 2012 at 8:26pm
How much Teflon� can a person consume at a healthy level? Looking at my pots and pans I am pretty sure I surpassed the quota...
Friday, February 17, 2012 at 12:45am
I LOVE following politics. So when the pill controversy reared its head this week, an unlikely counterpart shows up as well... "Why is Viagra covered by insurance then?" If you want to bring God into this equation then you have to believe that if he can't get it up... he was, "A prime candidate for natural deselection." Sorry Dude, God says your play time is up (or down as it were).
Thursday, February 9, 2012 at 8:30am
Minnesota no longer has the "No Child Left Behind" law. We can now focus on not leaving any child left behind from that law :)...
Wednesday, February 8, 2012 at 7:48am
I have a shoehorn... and I know how to use it.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012 at 7:19am
I'm going to clip my toenails.
Monday, January 30, 2012 at 8:08am
Minnesota slang is awesome for its short cutting. Rapidly becoming one of my faves is "a nutter" Used in a sentence: "If there are any cookies left I will take a nutter."
Thursday, January 26, 2012 at 8:02pm
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Nooooooo! Juan Luis Pedro Phillipo de Huevos Epstein died this morning. RIP Juan Epstein, signed Juan Epstein's mother.
Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 1:39pm
If corporations ARE people than you know who blows??? Comcast! Hate him!
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 5:38am
I once had a pet fish, from the convict cichlid family, named Bert Convict. I also had two cats named Wally and Elaine Jensen.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 at 8:41am
Please make reality TV go away...
Monday, January 9, 2012 at 11:21pm
You have two pieces of toast. Very little peanut butter clinging to life along the sides of its plastic home. You think there will never be enough to cover both pieces of bread. One word... SPATULA!!!
Monday, January 9, 2012 at 9:47pm
You know who was a REALLY good Alabama Crimson Tide football player? Forrest, Forrest Gump...
Friday, January 6, 2012 at 9:59pm
This was just too good not to share. From someone�s Facebook status: "I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on"...this is an instance when the difference between 'then' and 'than' is really important.
Thursday, January 5, 2012 at 3:12pm
As I am hanging a mirror I catch myself saying, "Smack dab in the middle." Who says, "Smack dab in the middle?"
Tuesday, January 3, 2012 at 7:25pm
I guess the saying is 2 glasses of wine a day and not bottles - lesson learned!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012 at 2:50am
Pets are pretty cool - As I type, Buddy and Annie are both licking their butts (not cool, but still necessary).
Saturday, December 31, 2011 at 11:05pm
An hour till 2012... Drink more wine or spend the first few minutes of the new year on a treadmill, I'll have to think this one through a bit�
Saturday, December 31, 2011 at 10:53pm
Megan wrote on your timeline. you add one more picture of me & i'm blocking you........
Friday, December 23, 2011 at 12:58am
Santa Claus sure has been good to me this year. The North Pole keeps churning out the gifts! When I say Santa I mean Mailwoman and when I say North Pole I mean Amazon.com :)
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 at 10:29am
I want a shoe horn for Christmas... and world peace.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011 at 11:01am
Congrats to Minnesota Twins Michael Cuddyer who is a new daddy! His wife gave birth to Twins on Tuesday. I think she is grateful Cuddy didn't play for the Giants...
Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 11:41am
The free fall of intelligence in America continues. From the comments section of a Kris Humphries article someone responds: "if people would stop commenting on these people they would stop wasting time wrighting the stories." - I think they meant "waisting" :)
Thursday, November 24, 2011 at 10:36pm
Those of you who are going to hit the stores soon or are already in line... remember the little mom and pop shops too, even if it's just a cup of coffee or breakfast between stops. Need store ideas - they are lined up and down main street Stillwater and Hudson or a town near you :)... thank you! This message was brought to you by the makers of Mentos... The Fresh Makers!
Thursday, November 24, 2011 at 10:49am
I don't remember eating corn last night.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011 at 3:47pm
14,317,211 things on my mind right now... After updating this status... 14,317,210
Saturday, November 19, 2011 at 4:59pm
You know what's better than a piece of, right out of the oven, pumpkin pie??? Three pieces of, right out of the oven, pumpkin pie!
Saturday, November 19, 2011 at 11:38am
I found the missing sock.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011 at 4:07pm
If you had to convince the world your favorite song is the best song of all time what would it be? Here are the rules: 1. No Keith Urban Song 2. There are no other rules :)
Saturday, November 5, 2011 at 8:50pm
Ummmmmmmmm. If you were driving by Owens Street not too long ago in Stillwater and saw some GHETTO action with two guys and a girl walking a couch down the street 8 blocks... Yep, that was me.
Sunday, October 23, 2011 at 12:05pm
While scrolling through my I-Tunes under the "rock" genre and STILL patiently waiting for Megan to get ready I see Captain and Tennille. Who knew they were rockers? Time to get my Muskrat Love on...
Sunday, October 23, 2011 at 9:37am
Waiting patiently for Megan to get up... Pssst. Get up honey. Let's do something.
Saturday, October 22, 2011 at 11:26am
Taking the 5 hour road trip to see the most important person in my life... my awesome daughter!
Monday, October 17, 2011 at 11:10pm
I believe in the soul... the rooster... the kitty... the small of a woman's back... the hangin' curveball... bran muffins... good scotch tape... that the novels of Mitch Albom are overrated crap... I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted in his spare time. I believe there ought to be a Constitutional amendment outlawing Astro the Dog and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, colonoscopy, opening your presents Christmas Eve rather than Christmas morning, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days... and world peace.
Saturday, October 15, 2011 at 8:23am
Time to get me some dad gum coffee...
Wednesday, October 12, 2011 at 3:18pm
I Spilled a bit of gas on myself today and went to the bank shortly after to deposit my check. Teller asks if I am a mechanic. I say no. She says you can tell where some people work by how they smell. I say, "Because I smell like gas?" followed by, "I'm a landscaper." She says, "Oh?" I say, "What you�re saying is that I would normally smell like dirt?" Dirt... I smell like dirt.
Sunday, October 2, 2011 at 7:52am
Help me out here Folgers, I need a little pep rally from you this morning!
Saturday, October 1, 2011 at 12:33pm
Schphincterlately: (shfingk-ter-lately) def. Someone who has acted like an ass recently. Used as a stand alone sentence - "What's your problem dude? Schphincterlately!"
Friday, September 30, 2011 at 10:25pm
Thursday, September 29, 2011 at 6:49pm
My left eyeball is twitching.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011 at 12:11pm
I just received my AARP card in the mail today. Let the savings begin!!!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011 at 8:31am
Rain Day! Yay! Come home to stalker outside stalking... 'cause that's what they do. They stalk on rain days :(
Saturday, September 24, 2011 at 12:18pm
Things accomplished today so far... Head bob to music. Let cat out of fridge. Let cat out of closet. Thought about doing stuff. Back to head bobbing...
Sunday, September 18, 2011 at 9:22am
I sure wish my daughter didn't live 423, 517 miles away from me. Did I mention how much I love Megan? I REALLY love my Meg! Dang Detour to the Corn Capital has just made it 423,537 miles away�
Sunday, September 11, 2011 at 10:10am
Off to some sausage fest with Kelly.
Saturday, September 10, 2011 at 8:05pm
Doubt - What an amazing, heart pounding movie. It wasn't even an action movie. Streep and Phillip Seymour Hoffman are spectacular. Amy Adams... you are still in my laminated five :)
Monday, September 5, 2011 at 1:48pm
Gone for four hours. Got home and Annie was locked in the fridge the whole time!
Sunday, September 4, 2011 at 10:16pm
I was at the Minnesota State Fair admiring the beautiful cocks in the poultry barn.
Friday, September 2, 2011 at 8:19pm
The weekend starts with a BANG!!! Vacuum cleaner bags arrived in the mail for my high tech carpet sucker. Off to get some tasty beverages and then it�s a night of cleaning! Let the jealousy begin!
Thursday, September 1, 2011 at 7:16am
I was a Taxi Cab Driver in St. Cloud circa 1990's. What's your confessional?
Wednesday, August 31, 2011 at 7:32pm
Like my marble munching friend - Bottomless Potamus, I am HUNGRY HUNGRY!!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011 at 7:04pm
My twin brother and unborn fetus is trying to escape through my noggin... or maybe it's a zit?!?!?
Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 4:26pm
I am so stinking happy!!! New dentist and the thorn has been pulled from the work of the Butcher of Houlton. Amazing, Amazing, Amazing experience! I may need to go out and celebrate my new found love :)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 at 7:41pm
Bigfoot is on the loose north of Stillwater... There is a YouTube video and everything so it must be true!
Monday, August 15, 2011 at 8:46pm
Congrats Jim Thome on Number 600... or as I refer to him - T-Home.
Monday, August 15, 2011 at 5:06pm
I am heading back to the "Butcher of Houlton" tonight. In last weeks episode we saw The Butcher, aka - The Dentist, "fix" three teeth that didn't hurt. $300 and a week later all three teeth hurt like the dickens! Stay tuned for a new episode tonight... "My B.O.H. accidentally drilled my eyeball out!"
Friday, July 29, 2011 at 5:20pm
I accidentally cracked my co-worker over the head with a shovel... it was oddly pleasurable :)
Thursday, July 28, 2011 at 6:59pm
About ten years ago I lost a six pack... Today I found it! Thank you 5th hottest July on record!
Monday, July 18, 2011 at 7:29pm
Until about 15 minutes ago my life was the same. I went to Kohl's. My life is still the same... except for my shoes.
Thursday, June 30, 2011 at 5:15pm
Me and Mr. Jack Hammer spent the last two days in the heat getting to know one another. Jack is semi abusive!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 at 10:22pm
Who's faster - A cheetah or Colonel Steve Austin?
Saturday, May 7, 2011 at 7:38pm
Time for some HoneyWeiss. Darned Bees and their awesome beer making skills!?!?!?!
Sunday, April 24, 2011 at 9:12am
Happy Easter to all, but especially to my wonderful, super spectacular, top of the line, high performance, one of a kind daughter - Megan Smedstad who turns 15 today! Love you sweetums :)
Saturday, April 2, 2011 at 8:21pm
I may be the only person alive who can cut themselves painting.
Friday, March 4, 2011 at 12:14pm
I think the highlight for any cat owner like me is the "panning for gold" once a day.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011 at 10:41am
Where have you gone, Carmine Ragusa? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
Sunday, February 27, 2011 at 9:21am
True Story: I am talking with a guy the other day about Facebook and he says, "Facebook is Socialism." I'm like...Dude! It's a SOCIAL networking site not socialism. He says, "Anytime you interact with people it's socialism." There you have it folks...
Thursday, February 24, 2011 at 9:20am
Ummmmmm, someone broke into my place and cut their toenails in my living room!
Friday, February 18, 2011 at 11:34pm
My feet kinda smell like spaghettio's.
Friday, February 18, 2011 at 11:34am
I'm not sure where I got this magic 8-ball but after I shook it vigorously it read, "Beer is in your near future." What does this mean?!?!?!
Monday, January 31, 2011 at 11:25am
1913: Federal Income Tax is implemented. Wisconsin is 1st state to enact minimum wage. Charlie Chaplin began his film career. The Panama Canal opens. President Woodrow Wilson says US will never attack another country and Lorna Pederson was born. RIP grandma...
Friday, December 10, 2010 at 9:47am
Odd things that creep into the mind for no reason... About 5 years ago I was working up in Robbinsdale when a young man came in looking for a job. He fills out an app. and under work history he lists Cub Foods as his last employer. Duties: He was a Night Stalker :)
Monday, November 8, 2010 at 8:46pm
Winner, winner...Banquet chicken diner!
Sunday, November 7, 2010 at 10:31am
This little old lady is moving to Stillwater from Arizona and she is squawking about the illegals and how they will kill, rape, and rob you blind - and steal your job and live off the state every chance they get... today her moving company arrives with Juan, Julio, and Jesus (pronounced hey-Zeus :) as her movers?!?!?!
Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 9:29am
I would like to see the towns of Ogilvie, Mora, and Grasston combine to make one High School and go by the abbreviation - OMG
Saturday, October 9, 2010 at 8:31pm
18 months ago I quit smoking after 25 years. 4 months ago I hit my highest weight at 210 lbs. 4 months & 2500 miles on my bike & I have lost 34 lbs. I finally made it to 90 minutes to do 27 miles on my bike. Fast forward to today. At the 18 mile mark - blown tire. Non repairable! Like Forrest Gump I just ran�
Monday, August 30, 2010 at 6:44pm
Saturday, July 31, 2010 at 6:16pm
36 years ago today Jimmy Hoffa disappears in a parking lot in Detroit Michigan. Present day Stillwater - 673 miles from Detroit... a smell comes from under my kitchen sink. Coincidence???
Thursday, July 29, 2010 at 9:48am
With the start of Corn Capital Days in Olivia... Let's raise our glasses and toast Shucks McGhee! Ears to you Bud!
Thursday, April 22, 2010 at 6:46pm
A "Birther" was recently asked how President Barack Obama's birth was recorded in both of Honolulu's newspapers in August of 1961 and he replied, "He must have had some kinda… Hot Tub Time Machine"
Sunday, March 28, 2010 at 11:28am
If for some reason I mysteriously disappear today... Check the Hot Tub Time Machine
Monday, March 22, 2010 at 8:26am
WARNING: Known complications of too much Facebook usage have caused mild seizures, joint pain, anal leakage...and sometimes death. Others have experienced nausea and even death. While others had flu like symptoms and sometimes death. If you are currently on Facebook, ask your doctor about the benefits and risks of Facebook usage.
Sunday, March 14, 2010 at 10:40pm
I'm not so sure the girl scout cookie diet is working...
Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 10:53am
Somedays, like today, you have 14,122 things to do. 14,121 should, have, or need to be done. I just want to do the one thing :-)
Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 11:26pm
Always enter a room with poise and confidence. If you accidentally slip or stumble, stop immediately and start licking yourself rigorously - it distracts would-be hecklers.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010 at 6:51am
Much like the Shaolin monk Caine... I too, will walk this Earth alone.
Friday, February 19, 2010 at 12:26am
I think I am in love with Zooey Deschanel - Not like a stalker or anything...
Monday, February 15, 2010 at 6:24pm
I am taking my chia pet out for a walk.
Friday, February 12, 2010 at 11:05am
So...I am in my car, tunes are cranked (Tiffany - I Think We Are Alone Now). Seems we weren't. A guy comes walking down the sidewalk. I quickly turn the tunes even LOUDER...to (Marilyn Manson - Beautiful People), followed by the universal head nod, "Sup..."
Monday, February 8, 2010 at 12:10am
Abe Vigoda is still alive.
Saturday, December 19, 2009 at 11:27am
Remember kids... It's not Christmas when you X-out Christ ...It's just Merry X-Mas
Friday, December 4, 2009 at 1:31am
Some of my favorite Minnesota slang: Gotoda - Used in a sentance: I need to gotoda store. Whateya - Used in a sentance: Whateya got in the bag? Gohead or Goathead - Used in a sentance: Gohead...Make my day or Goathead...you were here first. Of course there are many others like...Lemme - Used in a sentance: Lemme in the house. Lotta or lotza - Used in a sentance: I have lotza candy. Nutter - Used in a sentance: Give me a nutter piece of candy.
Friday, November 27, 2009 at 8:05am
It was just 129 years ago today that a 13 year old girl named Laura and her Pa, Mary, and Ma loaded up the wagon in Walnut Grove and headed to the big town of Sleepy Eye for some MAJOR deals for what is generally thought of as the first "Black Friday."
Friday, November 13, 2009 at 7:25pm
My daughter is so amazing! My greatest day is everyday I see the future through her eyes... I am sooooooooooooo proud of her :-)
Sunday, May 3, 2009 at 11:34am
Not worried about the swine flew...until pigs fly.
Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 12:31pm
Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon - Not only Rock and Roll Hall of Famers...but the authority on World Health! WHO knew???
Thursday, February 19, 2009 at 1:09am
I think it's easy to sit there & say you'd like to have more money. That's what I like about it. It's easy. Sitting there, rocking back & forth, wanting that money
Monday, February 9, 2009 at 1:15am
I find myself sometimes carrying two sacks of something when I walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" I can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 at 10:21am
Baracking around the Christmas tree!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 2:02am
I was at the mall & a guy came up to me & said, 'How's it going?' So I grabbed his arm & twisted it up behind his head & said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
Monday, November 10, 2008 at 11:44pm
I bought a decaffeinated coffee table.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at 12:12pm
VOTE EARLY...VOTE OFTEN!
Monday, November 3, 2008 at 3:12pm
I ran over a fork in the road...